You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
