I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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