ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
