so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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