First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's blow job season.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
