Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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