Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
