I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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