Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
