A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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