Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
