Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
