I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
