you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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