At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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