Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
