it hurts more in the daytime
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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