I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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