He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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