can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
