I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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