Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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