I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
