Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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