Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
