i just google imaged poop.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize