You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
