do herpes really smell.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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