so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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