im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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