the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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