I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
