Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
