They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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