You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
