And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
