6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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