I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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