Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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