is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You are the jesus of drinking
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
