Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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