First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
