he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
