drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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