I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
