I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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