I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
