Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
