i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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