I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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