last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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