...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
