I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
