I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
