My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I understand Curling. That high.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Even my vagina gasped.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
