pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
