ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize