I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
